Chapel of Hope Stories

Dear Reader:

” Humble Yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

This whole recent experience …caring for my brother who is experiencing short memory loss and confusion …has definitely left me completely humbled … like never before… but yesterday God answered all my prayers and yes ….He lifted me up.”

It all started with stopping for Ben’s morning coffee…I let the owner, who knew the situation, know it was Ben’s last day and he made over him and threw in a free cinnamon bun.

When we were leaving the neighborhood my neighbors’children had made this chalk sign that made Ben smile.

But what really turned the day around was Chicago… yes the band-Ben’s favorite band. He excitedly asked me to turn up the radio and then started singing the lyrics to ” You’re My Inspiration ” at the top of his lungs! He would stop and tell me when all the different instruments would join in full force … pretending to be playing all of them. He was on a high!

By the time we arrived he appeared fairly oblivious to all the activity going on around him. He calmly watched as Lee and I dragged everything out of boxes and bags… until we were exhausted.

Soon his room was filled with his caregivers, hall staff members, counselors -he hadn’t had that much excitement in a long time.

We were treated to lunch in the room by the staff. And then another God Wink…a secretary who used to work with Ben in Special Education was right down the hall and coming in to take him to Happy Hour.

By the time Lee and I went to leave… Ben was so sleepy he couldn’t keep his eyes open and just wiggled his fingers at us. The moment I had been dreading all day was nothing like I had feared. Just a wave goodbye!

God had answered my prayers and held my hand through it all… just like he had promised!

So until tomorrow…

” If we all knew each morning that there was going to be another morning, and on and on and on, we’d tend not to notice the sunrise, or hear the birds, or the waves rolling into the shore. We’d tend not to treasure our time with the people we love. Simply the awareness that our mortal lives have a beginning and will have an end enhances the quality of our living. * Madeleine L’ Engle

” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh

***Ben left his phone which we did not discover until I plugged in the charger. Since Ben has struggled with his mobile phone for years and now is forgetting how to answer and respond… we are taking the director’s suggestion and getting a land phone to replace it-should be operational Thursday afternoon. So thank you for all the calls yesterday and Lee and I will work on sending out group texts to all of you with his new number.

Also thank everyone for their prayers-they were answered!

Dear Reader:

Whenever I am looking for just the right words to describe the complexity of my feelings and emotions that have become cocooned within me …I turn to my Irish poet John O’ Donohue.

In his collection of prose called To Bless the Space Between Us…he talks about arriving at new thresholds in life. I am slowly realizing that Ben’s new threshold is not his alone. All who love and care for him will be affected from now on…his threshold is also ours. Life for all of us has changed.

As we all come together today to help Ben cross his new threshold… we wish to prepare and supply him with many of his happy items to retrieve a new sense of normalcy-his guitar, music, novels, clubs, etc..

” THRESHOLDS” -O’ Donohue

” To acknowledge and cross a new threshold is always a challenge. It demands courage and also a sense of trusting whatever is emerging.

This becomes essential when a threshold opens suddenly in front of you, one for which you had no preparation. This could be illness, suffering, or loss. Because we are so engaged with the world, we usually forget how fragile life can be and how vulnerable we always are. It takes only a couple of seconds for a life to change irreversibly.

Suddenly you stand on completely new ground and a new course of life has to be embraced. Especially at such times we desperately need blessing and protection.

No threshold need be a threat, but rather an invitation and a promise. ”

So until tomorrow… ” Whatever comes, the great sacrament of life will remain faithful to us, blessing us always with visible signs of invisible grace. We merely need to trust. “

” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh

Dear Reader:

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Tomorrow is the day I meet Lee and Vikki ( with Ben) to start a new journey in his life. There is no way to completely make things all right for my brother.

I feel like I am dropping off one of my children on the first day of school and pray he makes friends and starts to acclimate to his new surroundings.

I am completely mentally and emotionally drained-trying to keep a happy upbeat demeanor while Ben is withdrawing.

Susan and I met at Ross yesterday and picked up sheets, pillows, bedspreads, towels, shower curtains… to have the room looking inviting while we keep adding more personal items from family.

Outside his room, Libby, I put up your Vietnam visual poster and his book on Vietnam as a visual guide to let him know he has arrived at his room!

He has a beautiful view outside his window.

One of his highlights came Saturday evening… when a dear friend called and asked if she could treat Ben to supper. I don’t know who was more excited …me with a few hours of free time or Ben with his night out! Thank you from the bottom of my heart Toni!

So until tomorrow-just when God knows we have reached our emotional breaking point … here comes his guardian angels!

” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh

Dear Reader:

This Tuesday will be the day I drive Ben over to Wellmore Assisted Living on Daniel Island and I have been praying constantly that this move is a positive game changer! We are certainly both apprehensive …yet in my heart I know this is the best decision and opportunity to get Ben the professional cognitive help he needs desperately.

* Just pray no more red ladders start flying towards us again!

Yesterday was wash day …washing, drying, folding and doing some preliminary packing. We want to be ready Tuesday when Lee calls saying the room is fixed up and ready to bring Ben on over !

Lee and his mom, Susan, are heading back to Conway Monday…to bring Ben’s car back and pick up more personal items to makes his room feel more familiar and inviting!

If it takes a village to raise a child… then it must take an army to move a loved one suffering from dementia -the to do list is endless and the red tape and bureaucracy is overwhelming… when you have a small family going through this challenge for the first time… it gets to the point where each of us feel like we all need on-going assisted living ourselves!

My personal escape is still my garden sanctuary… I go look at my morning glories every morning first thing… each day some blooms have folded and closed because each morning glory’s life time is only a day! Yet look what they do with their short lives… bring beauty and smiles to life. We all would have accomplished a lot in our lifetime… if we could have done the same!

I ordered a wooden mailbox for Ben to hang in his room-so he can re-read letters, his grandchildren’s pictures and photos. I gave my family his new address-to do the same with Ben’s great nephews and nieces.

So until tomorrow…Dear Father… Give all of us family caregivers, as well as the medical caregivers, the wisdom and strength to care for Ben in a way that honors and respects him. Send Ben loving caregivers who appreciate the history and richness of his life experiences.

” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh

Dear Reader:

To say that I was pretty pensive yesterday would be a true understatement. The whole red ladder episode hit me full face. The realization how close Ben and I came to departing this world was sobering. For the first time I was envious of my brother-he had already forgotten the incident and when reminded-just shrugged and shook his head.

Ben had also forgotten (he told me right after the incident ) that he was excited about seeing daddy again. That little seven year old boy who tore out of grandmother’s farmhouse after being told his daddy had died has been looking for his daddy ever since.

On GMA3 on Fridays…the show has a segment called ” Faith Friday” with different religious leaders of all denominations leaving the viewers with a positive message for the upcoming week.

I loved this week’s message…. The pastor reminded us that we are guaranteed life and liberty in the Declaration of Independence but not happiness-this we have to pursue. We must always remember hope is a journey and we should chase purpose and meaning in our lives… because therein lies happiness and joy!

I want to make sure that I deserve the extension I got yesterday and I never stop chasing new purposes and meanings in my life.

If some of you wanted to make me cry yesterday… guess what? You succeeded! I received phone calls, texts, emails , post responses that I all read to Ben who smiled and nodded.

Johnny Johnson-I have been so worried something had happened to you… yet there was your response that touched my heart and soul along with all the others!

***If you haven’t received a reply of love and appreciation back… blame it on the gremlins-but even their tech mischief could not upset me-will try again tomorrow!

So until tomorrow… God knows even in the midst of turmoil and change humor abounds. Ben kept looking for some golf balls all day and I told him he had some in his hand earlier-surely he dropped them in his bucket.

When I found where they were I fell down laughing! And what was even funnier -a hummingbird flew up to the red petunia planter attracted by the new bright colors thinking they were new flowers… instead I heard the tapping sound made when their beak tapped the hard golf balls! 🤣 Thanks God-I needed that!

” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh

A shout-out to my niece Bekah who aced the first test in an on-going assessment training program for a new job and career.

Dear Reader:

If someone had ever asked me to guess what was the last thing on earth I would see- I never would have guessed a red metal ladder heading straight towards my front car windshield !

I was on Interstate 526 yesterday taking Ben to meet his son, Lee, at an assisted living facility on Daniel Island we were going to tour.

A pick-up truck with a company logo on the sides was right in front of us. Ben and I were talking and I was doing my best to build Ben’s spirits up as to how wonderful this place was… and believe me it was!

Suddenly a red metal ladder in the back of the pick -up truck became airborne flying higher and higher. I felt like I was frozen in time. Everything slowed down as Ben and I watched the end of the ladder projecting straight towards us.

I remember saying… ” I think this is it Ben” and he responding with “Yep!”

There was no way to try pulling over to the other lane because traffic was bumper to bumper and as other cars passing me began witnessing what was happening they started blowing their horns and screaming at the truck driver!

At the very last second I went to cover my face from the certain crash and splintering of the windshield…the back end of the ladder was suddenly thrust down and the ladder capitulated over to the side lane barrier and down an embankment sparing other lives.

As I exited onto Daniel Island I slowed down-my whole body shaking and pulled over as two cars behind me slowed down and rolled down their windows -one man screamed how lucky I was while the passenger in the second car made a prayer hand formation and pointed at Ben and me.

Talk about a prayer of Thanksgiving …. all I was certain of was that God wasn’t through with me or Ben yet! And I reminded Ben of it!

I looked at Ben dazed in his seat and said ” It’s just not out time yet Ben… we are just changing course! ”

So until tomorrow… Believe in angels…you have your very own…because you are God’s special child….you will never be alone.

” Today is my favorite day.” Winnie the Pooh

Maybe the torn red blurry bloom of my hisbiscius was a warning wink of what was to come this morning!

Dear Reader:

I love this true story about an incident involving Dr. Kelsey Crowe, physician and author. She had an insightful moment while talking to her pre-school daughter in the car one day.

” One day while in the car on the way to pre-school, Georgia piped up from the backseat, ” Mom, what do you actually do for a living?” Kelsey paused trying to come up with an answer.

“Well… I help friends be there for each other when they are sad. “

” Oh… that is easy!”

“Really… said her mom. Well then what would say to help someone in need?”

* Georgia rattled off the following list!

Dr. Kelsey Crowe put together this list for her book.

One of the best pieces of advice when we run into the iffy side of life -not knowing how to comfort or help deals with changing one question.

Instead of saying ” How are you, how are you feeling or doing?” add ” How are you doing right now?” This one question opens up a whole other train of thought.

So until tomorrow… the one sign or verbal comment you should present to a friend or family member going through the ” iffy” stage of life is…

” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh

* Thanks Gin-g for those delicious cinnamon rolls-and hope you got the picture of Ben with his empty plate!

In a recent Awakin Weekly author Victor Frankl, made this observation. “the question can no longer be-What can I expect from life? but can only be ” What does life expect from me?”

Living is in essence all about being questioned…while our whole goal is responding to-of being responsible toward- life. It is in the moment of the question where the uniqueness of each individual becomes apparent-no two questions are alike.

Today we are living in a world where there seems to be less simple direct answers than ever before as issues of morality take center stage. We watch bigotry expanding, along with racism, religion, and “blame games ” on anyone some group marks as a target.

Though the term “response ” is usually thought of being more general in nature than ” answer” referring to a solution… Ben used the term over and over that he didn’t understand what the doctors wanted from him -with all their reports-he just wanted to know how to respond and when he couldn’t it made him despondent.

Don’t we all feel that way when life asks us a question that we can’t respond back to …our own individual life questions and sometimes in frustration wonder where God is? I, a teacher, should know this response!

So until tomorrow ” Be still and know that I am God.”

Today is my favorite day! Winnie the Pooh

PS I passed and found the right response because when I finished typing and looked out the window-there was my answer! God in my first moonflower!

Dear Reader:

In a book I was leafing through yesterday a mother admonished her teenage son with the following words.

” God will put things right and don’t forget it. That’s what He’s about after all, putting things right. ”

My faith has been tested lately …still deep down I know this to be true. It is just so hard not knowing what lies ahead… when we are wishing with all our heart and soul that a loved one will be happy at the end of the transition tunnel.

At some time in child-raising didn’t we all feel like we were chasing our children around continuously picking up after them and wondering when it would ever end? ( Answer-college)

Many years back one of our local reporters from the town paper asked if she could do a lampoon on the American Gothic look using cleaning supplies with my family. I told her sure but she might have to explain what each cleaning supply was since I was the only one using them!

I remember wishing I could snap my fingers and have everything in its place. That is still my wish today… but now it is not a clean house I want back in place but situations that aren’t so soul emptying.

Poor God… hope He is not having to run behind us undoing the messes we leave behind… yet I suspect He does. And the big difference is He does it with patience and grace!

So until tomorrow God …Grace and Gratitude from me to you for following me and giving me a shove in the right direction … do you need another bucket?

” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh

Dear Reader!

I can’t help but be proud of my brother, an ex-marine ( though doesn’t the quip go…“Once a marine… always a marine”) because every morning since he has been here he has made his bed. As many things slip away from Ben … one lesson has not.

You might remember that Admiral William H. McRaven ( Naval Commander of Special Operations ( SEAL training) started his commencement speech at his alma mater ( University of Texas) with this suggestion on how to change your perspective on life. Make Your Bed!

***” “If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task, then another etc. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reenforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.”

Ben might forget his wallet, the time, the place but wherever he is he is going to make the bed. During the day he goes back to his bed to read and a made bed gives him encouragement that hope is still alive. It is a special gift to himself.

Today he reminded me at CVS to get some light bulbs for the hall outside his bedroom and then he changed the ceiling light bulbs for me! One small task DOES lead to another and so on.

Do please continue keeping Ben in your prayers as we are narrowing down the best long-term options for Ben based on lots of medical assessments coming in.

I did get a belly laugh out of Ben today when I found this sticky note to give him, along with a high five… for helping change light bulbs!

So until tomorrow… Want to change the world… make your bed.

” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh