It dawned on me yesterday, while the monsoons hit full force, off and on in strong intervals, that it had happened… burnout had hit me with the same force as the outside gales.
When I got my “newish ” car two and a half years ago after the Vue was stolen and totaled, it was the first time I had ever had a car communicate with me -a light came on when a tire was low, when a battery was low or gasoline… it made me feel so safe.
The worst light to come on, of course, is the engine or transmission light! From prior experience I know that if those lights come on… STOP!!! You can’t fudge with those and try making it to a filling station. ( which these days can only offer you a drink and snacks anyway.)
Personally I now realize , as Anne Lamott says, ” Burning out is something that happens-it’s not something you can choose against! ”
” When there is no more gas in the car, you can’t choose to magically have more gas with the snap of your fingers. You need a gas station for that. When there’s no battery juice left in your phone, you can’t choose to boost your battery with positive thinking-you need a charging cable for that. When there is no energy left inside you-mental, physical or emotional-you can’t demand more energy to appear through even the most disciplined thinking-you need rest, recover, and self-care for that!
Burnout, though, isn’t the depletion of only one, or even two, of your stores of energy-it’s a depletion of all three. When there’s no energy left to utilize , our system shuts down.
I wish I had an icon in the top right corner of my vision that could tell me how much mental, physical, and emotional energy I have/had left before shut-down… eh?
So yesterday I slept most of the day away and then dragged myself to Publix where I got my booster shot-anything with the word booster sounded promising to me.
I think the young girl at the pharmacy could have cared less about my ” compromised” immune system due to metastatic breast cancer… just one quick glance at me made me a prime candidate! 🤣
I was completely depleted of everything!
I think they are trying to get rid of the leftover moderna Covid serum-I fit the description!
I now realize sometimes I forget in all my ” Be Kind” reminders to check out the mirror occasionally.
So until tomorrow…Remember you are in control of your decisions…but you are not always in control of the consequences of those decisions! Choose wisely!
” Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh
Last day of freedom before school starts tomorrow and Jake caught his first little brown fish from the pond-all by himself! Let’s hope it is a good omen for a great first grade year!