Dear Reader:

Don’t we wish that this would be the scales we were asked to step on when being weighed at our doctors’ offices? No fear of a negative or hurtful comment.

After a decade of cancer treatments with a diverse range of treatment options….some medicines (combined with everything else I have to take daily) actually make me start losing weight…while other treatments make me gain. No rhyme or reason…just the way ‘the boat floats.’

In the big picture…I should be past all the weight concerns by now…it seems pretty petty to me and I hate to admit to myself that height and weight should bother me at all…when fighting a potentially life-threatening disease. True confession…it does.  Maybe it is just being a “girl” and wanting to look as good as possible for as long as possible.

When my weight has fallen I wear heavy boots and heavier clothing to appointments and when the opposite has happened…I wear light clothing and light flats….because no matter what kind of appointment it is…for whatever reason…it does seem like we patients have to weigh in before we can get through the maze of room bringing us closer to “the” room where the doctor will see us.

I have decided humor goes a long way to alleviating stress about vital statistics information. Thank goodness I am still 5’4″ and haven’t shrunk yet which is remarkable and that makes me happy. I, usually, will make some positive comment after my height has been measured like “I am not as vertically challenged as I could be by now.” The nurse usually smiles and nods.

If the weight seems more heavily disproportionate to the height I might add…“I am not too vertically challenged…I’m just short for my weight.” 

I just found another good comeback that I really like…will save it for my next appointment: “I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than most people.” 🙂

Don’t we all wish that we were spontaneously witty enough to have the perfect “comeback” to any negative comment or remark aimed at us by others?

We are not alone…if you ever listen to a famous comedienne a lot of their material is based on witty comebacks to negative comments. I caught Steve Martin telling this old joke a long time ago when he was doing a stand-up show and for some reason it has stuck with me.

It was an old “Good News, Bad News” joke. It went like this:

A man went to the doctor to get his diagnosis report from some earlier tests run. As soon as he walked in…the doctor said he had some “Good news and bad news“… which did the patient prefer to hear first?. The patient said, “Let’s get the bad news over with first.”

“Well, said the doctor, you have an extremely rare terminal disease.”

“My gosh doctor, the patient gasped, then how could there possibly be any good news?” 

The doctor smiled triumphantly and proclaimed  “We have decided to name the disease after you!”

I love this comeback too…aimed at the incessant talker.

“Oh I’m sorry…did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”

Quinn Caldwell (theologian/author) has a different perspective on the use of the power of comeback remarks…depending on whose power is being regaled.

“Justify”

They call it l’esprit de l’escalier.  It’s French for “the spirit of the stairs,” or more to the point, “the stair wit.”  It’s the perfect retort that comes to you too late—when you’re on the stairs leaving the party. 

My brain tends to take a little longer to warm up, and so I have l’esprit de la salle de bain, the spirit of the bathroom.  My esprit usually kicks in the next morning, standing at the bathroom sink.  And when it does, watch out.  My tongue is as sharp as the razor in my hand, my wit as bubbly as the toothpaste that rimes my lips as I declaim and dream of my verbal impact.

Telemarketers weep openly and change their ways.  Rude people examine their motives.  The girl who said that thing to me in sixth grade calls up to apologize.  Siblings admit I’m right.  People everywhere are so stunned by my verbal hammerstrokes that they do not even notice the dental floss between my teeth.  I am victorious.  I am…Job.

*(So these three men ceased to answer Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes.  Then Elihu son of Barachel the Busite, of the family of Ram, became angry.  He was angry at Job because he justified himself rather than God…” – Job 32:1-22)

Few people in the Bible are more eloquent or, frankly, more right in what they’re saying.  But here’s what Elihu points out: all Job’s powerful speeches?  Every one of them is about him.  Every one of them is designed to justify himself, to prove himself to the people around him.  Not one of them is spoken to justify God.

Job actually has a good excuse for that, but I do not.  So I wonder: what if I spent less time devising brilliant speeches that show the world how awesome and clever I am, and more time devising speeches that show the world how awesome and clever God is?  What if I thought of fewer things to say to cut jerky people to the quick, and more things to say that would show them God?

It’s a tall order, but I’m going to try to do it.  Because as Elihu knows, if all you’re doing is justifying yourself and not God, no matter how witty you are, you’re just spitting toothpaste at the mirror.

So until tomorrow…“Holy God, protect me from l’esprit de l’escalier.  Send your Holy Spirit instead, and fill me  with words to turn the world towards you. Amen.”

(Source: Quinn Caldwell-Stillspeaking Daily Devotional)

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh