Dear Reader:

Yesterday I flunked my glare test quite miserably. I saw two sets of lights and apparently there were some letters in a box between the lights…all I saw was a black box. Not good. but my left eye was showing off…20/20 and doing its work plus “rightie’s.”

Glasses are no longer a practical option…cataract surgery is. So on the 18th of August…I will have the right eye done… since that cataract is the worst. “Leftie” will come later. As I looked through all the appointments/schedules involved and information… I got tickled at the brochure cover. (title photo)

It was like ‘we aspiring cataract remover patients’ were getting a party celebration send-off. The slogan read: Independence Day: Celebrate your freedom from cataracts!

Somehow I don’t think that is what the Founding Fathers had in mind with the original idea of Independence Day….but, then again, it was old Ben Franklin who gave us a cool-looking pair of reading glasses…they appear to be back in style now.

My deciding factor in going ahead with the cataract surgery was simply the desire to see as much of life, clearly, for as long as I can. Life is too short to go through it in a haze (or a daze.)

I have to admit that I kinda like being in the “freshman”  Medicare class when it comes to eye care. As I was filling out the quadruple forms I noticed that I was one of  very few patients walking alone. The majority of patients had a cane, walker, or were pushed in a wheel chair. One poor man was rolled in on a stretcher.

Remember how it felt to be a member of the freshman class at high school and college. The guys would be checking out the fresh young female faces of the newest class….we received a lot of initial attention.

As a  relatively new member of the freshman Medicare class….I feel like the new young chick on the block again. At this stage of the game it won’t last long so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts. The intern I was assigned to for the initial eye tests seemed visibly relieved that he didn’t have to physically help me back to the examining room.

Still…You know you’re getting old when the ophthalmologist assures you that cataract surgery is one of the safest routines and a normal procedural part of getting older. I did stop her there and thank her for adding the “er” to her last word in the sentence. She laughed …she’s young.

Susan Cadwell sent me some of the funniest “getting older” quips I have read in a long time….they make Maxine pale in comparison. Enjoy!

*My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. I only have 15 more to go.

*Ate salad for dinner- mostly croutons and tomatoes. Actually it was just one big round crouton covered in tomato sauce and cheese. Fine! It was a pizza, happy now? “I ate a pizza!”

*How to prepare Tofu. 1) Throw it in the trash 2) Grill some meat

*I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web

*I don’t mean to brag but I finished my 4-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

*A recent study has shown that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

*Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the television channel.

*Senility has been a smooth transition for me

*I love being over 60. I can still learn something new every day and forget five others.

*A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money. So I got up and searched with him.

*My dentist said that I need a Crown. I said, “You bet…pour mine over rocks.”

*I think I will just put an “()ut of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

……………………..

So until tomorrow…Just remember…most of us will depart by losing parts. Like my old car that keeps breaking down….this part will quit working, we will get it fixed and then another part bites the dust and so on and so on and so on. Until one day we realize that  our “engine” is no longer working and we decide that it is more cost-effective to simply depart by finding a new, lighter mode of air transportation….hopefully headed upward.

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

• I loved Frances Townsend’s additional ‘garden-learned personal trait’ gained through maintaining one. Perfect!

• “You mentioned all the personal qualities that are learned or reinforced by your garden; I will add humility, as sometimes my grandiose plans are replaced by weeds or nothing. And the humility of thinking that I created something beautiful when I was merely the instrument of God’s glory.”

*Please keep Ted and Brooke Parker in your prayers today as they head to Roper Hospital to have some diagnostic tests (and perhaps procedures) done by Ted’s cardiologist. Everything depends on what they find. Ambiguity, not knowing, is always the hardest part. Hot-line prayers coming at you Parkers!