Dear Reader:

Yesterday…Ashley, Honey’s daughter, stopped by my house (on her way home from the mountains) bearing corn and tomatoes… along with this beautifully crafted clay plaque from Honey!!! Now that is “talking turkey to me“….”Honest Injun”I loved it all!

“Talking turkey” is an old colloquial expression that has been in existence since the 1840’s or perhaps even earlier. Today it mean to ‘be frank and talk fair or honest’ to someone.

The favorite anecdote that accompanies the origin of this expression goes something like this:

A white man and an Indian were out hunting together one day. At the end of the hunt…there was a dead buzzard and a dead turkey in the sack.

The white man slyly looked at the Indian and said: “How about this idea for sharing the spoils of our hunt? “I’ll keep the turkey and you take the buzzard” or “If you would rather…you keep the buzzard and I’ll take the turkey.” 

The Indian stood silent for a minute and then uttered the famous words: “Ugh! You no talk turkey to me!”

I remember, as a child, loving it when Uncle Herschel or Uncle Harlette stopped by to see Grandmother each late afternoon to check in on her (when I would be visiting.) Grandmother was always anxious for some news about the “outside world” since most of her time was spent inside cooking and cleaning unless she was outside helping harvest vegetables from her garden.

She wanted to hear something interesting that she could pass along when the farmer’s wives gathered to shell peas in the late afternoon under the big oak tree with the swing.

She’d wave to Herschel or Harlette and motion which one over to the circle of “shellers”… a conversation would ensue that sounded pretty close to this:

“Harlette….how was work today?” (Uncle Harlette was a supervisor at the textile mill)

Uncle Harlette, as if on cue, would start muttering about someone or something he didn’t like (that had happened at work) and then he would start talking about the person.

“Oh you know…Old So and So was late to work again and I had to fill in his shift until he finally got his lazy bones to work. I swear that man’s “elevator don’t go all the way to the top.”

As the other ladies twittered and smiled…Grandmother would reply: “He don’t got what all belongs to him” for sure.

Everyone would nod in agreement and then laugh again when Uncle Harlette would say something like: “He’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”

As all the ladies pretended to fan themselves with their church fans and giggle behind it…Uncle Harlette would start working the crowd. “I hear tell he’s seeing So & So  and you know how tall she is.” As everyone nodded he waited for the right moment to add the zinger:

“She’s so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.”

Uncle Harlette had his audience in the palm of his hand…”Everyone says she’s quite contrary…that’s the truth.” Again the rapid nods would follow the statement and Uncle Harlette would ‘hit them with his best shot.”

” She could start an argument in an empty house!”

His final “coup” would come as he began slowly walking back to his car (much to the disappointment of the ladies)

“Now I want all you pretty ladies to remember not to act like Miss Tall, Argumentative So & So….because if you act all “hoity-toity” like her…well….all I’m saying is:

“She has her nose so high in the air she could drown in a rainstorm.”

Uncle Harlette has his timing down to precision…as he honked the car waving to the ladies whose shelled peas were now all falling off their laps from shaking and laughing.

………………………….

Grandmother’s “He don’t got all what belongs to him” statement took a different turn  a couple of years ago.

I had heard a similar (more modern) statement like “He’s one fry short of a Happy Meal”  …but never experienced this “tweak” with the same meaning.

It was sprinkling one day as I circled Kentucky Fried Chicken to pick up some cole slaw for a family gathering that afternoon. The lady in the car in front of me had her windows down and I could hear her screaming before I even saw her….while I finished circling the lot to get in line to place my order.

Obviously she was somewhat inebriated…she had mistakenly braked in front of a large trash can disposal that was a few feet before the ordering stop.

Thinking she was ordering her food there…(she was holding the swinging slit open with one hand and yelling inside the trash can) I heard her loudly complaining “What’s going on in here…are y’all closed…I don’t see no lights on…for the third time I said I wanted two big buckets of chicken and some sweet tea.“

When still no one answered …she began beeping as loudly as she could and screamed “Well…keep your damn chicken…I don’t want nuttin’ from this here place anyways… it’s dark and stinks to high heaven!” With that she slammed on the accelerator and screeched by the ordering station and receiving window.

I placed my order and when I got to the window…a young boy was shaking his head and asked me about the lady in front of me that just flew by with her middle finger extended at him.

When I told him what had happened…he was doubled over with laughter and called his manager to come hear me tell the story again. The elderly manager finally caught his breath and said, “That lady was one chicken short of a bucket.” 

Don’t we love living in the South…wouldn’t want to live anywhere else!

So until tomorrow…Bless that poor lady’s heart at Kentucky Fried Chicken  and may she never talk to another trash can while having a “hissy fit.”

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

* I loved the way the sun’s rays fell on the wooden slates in the tree house early yesterday morning…welcoming birds and scampering squirrels to come rest and play the day away.