Dear Reader:

A few weeks ago I happened upon an interesting story on the weekly CBS Sunday Morning Show. CBS correspondent, Mo Rocca, was interviewing acclaimed short story writer- George Saunders about his “back door” entrance into the field of writing… with all the ups and downs he experienced before discovering his inner talent.

The conversation then turned to his quite publicized graduation speech in 2013 at Syracuse University. Saunders said that he was shocked when he got the invitation because….

“I thought, you know, what am I giving a speech to a bunch of kids who are better educated than I was, have already made better choices than I did at that age?” he told Rocca. “What do I have? And what I had was, basically, time. You know, I’d had all these years of living.”

What the graduating class didn’t expect hearing from this celebrated author was this comment:

“What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness — those moments when another human being was right there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded sensibly, reservedly, mildly. … It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.”

From his own personal life experiences…he said that there is real hope at the end of our journey that we can all evolve into a much kinder human being than we were at the beginning…if we reach out to someone in need and defend them.

Rocca noted, “In the speech you said, ‘Your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving.’ That’s a pretty optimistic assumption.” 

Saunders admitted it was but if we end up on the right path it leads us to a kinder world.

In his speech Saunders named all the embarrassing and humiliating things that happened to him growing up but he really didn’t regret any of them… they were just part of life and he learned from each mistake…upon reflection.

But one memory from seventh grade still haunted him to this day. He had an opportunity to help someone and didn’t…and he noted that he can still see this young girl’s face in his memory… silently begging someone to befriend her.

“In seventh grade, this new kid joined our class. In the interest of confidentiality, her Convocation Speech name will be “ELLEN.” ELLEN was small, shy. She wore these blue cat’s-eye glasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore. When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it.”

So she came to our school and our neighborhood, and was mostly ignored, occasionally teased (“Your hair taste good?” — that sort of thing). I could see this hurt her. I still remember the way she’d look after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked, as if, having just been reminded of her place in things, she was trying, as much as possible, to disappear.

After awhile she’d drift away, hair-strand still in her mouth. At home, I imagined, after school, her mother would say, you know: “How was your day, sweetie?” and she’d say, “Oh, fine.” And her mother would say, “Making any friends?” and she’d go, “Sure, lots.”

Sometimes I’d see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it.

And then — they moved. That was it. No tragedy, no big final hazing.

One day she was there, next day she wasn’t.

End of story.

Now, why do I regret that? Why, forty-two years later, am I still thinking about it? Relative to most of the other kids, I was actually pretty nice to her. I never said an unkind word to her. In fact, I sometimes even (mildly) defended her.

But still. It bothers me.

So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it:

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.

Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded . . . sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.

Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?

Those who were kindest to you, I bet.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Doesn’t this story take us all back to situations (growing up) in which we were either the one being laughed at or the one in a crowd saying nothing as we watched the group belittle another child or youth with unkind remarks?

Weren’t we all secretly afraid that if we said something to defend the “victim” then we would be the next one attacked with unkindness?

I remember hearing, one time, the story behind the story of why Ellen Degeneres always signs off her show by saying “Remember to be kind to someone.” It is because of the personal scars she said still exists from being teased as a child and youth for being “different.”

So until tomorrow….we are stronger now and wiser than we were as children and youth…so no more excuses…we must all defend “victims” of unkindness when we witness such acts and we must go out of our way to befriend someone who desperately needs a friend. “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

After all… All of us do remember those people who were friends to us when we needed one…Let’s pass it on.

“Today is my favorite day. ”  Winnie the Pooh

* Some of you might have read the bestseller (title photo) Congratulations by the Way by George Saunders about this graduation speech…it was a NY Times Best-Seller in 2013.

*July the 4th …..the Dingle/Turner Gang! Lots of ups and downs with four little ones around…we were all trying especialy hard to keep Rutledge entertained so he wouldn’t be sad about his cast and  not being able to get in the pool…ice cream helped…but there were still a few sad moments of regret. Into every day a little rain must fall…and that even happened too!

However we danced, (in & out of the water) swam, and just enjoyed being together. Of course the hot dogs and hamburgers brought the Fourth to the forefront with our own neighborhood fireworks to top off the evening…Thanks Turners for hosting all the fun!

* And we were so glad Marcia (Mollie’s Mom) flew in from New Hampshire yesterday and could be with us for the Fourth…made it just perfect!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Fourth and said a prayer of thanksgiving for calling America home!