Dear Reader:

Have you ever considered that what “we seek to become, we already are?”

When I read that line in a recent blog (Dancing with Monsters/Kate Wolfe- Jenson) I literally stopped reading, breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and sat back. Could it possibly be…that I am already “me?”

We have all grown up in a culture that promotes ambition and knowledge, at its highest level, always pushing us to become the very best we can be… so that we don’t “waste” our lives.

This “follow the course” “walk the straight and narrow” and “don’t get distracted along the way” approach fuels competitiveness and an on-going worry that, somehow (no matter how hard we try) we aren’t “performing” at our physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual best.

It leads to a continuous sense of ‘falling behind’ in the race of life.

But what if…the real goal in life is simply revealing who we are as we travel along our diverse paths?…  It could be almost like removing layers of onion skin or cabbage leaves? Could it possibly be that it is in our responses to all of life’s beauties, personal passions, and challenges… that we show the world our “real core”… hidden under layers of secrecy?

When I went out, yesterday, on the back patio to feed Lucy…I noticed a couple of plants (still in pots) had blown over and several Christmas ornaments were still dangling from hanging plants that I had missed removing from the garden the other day.

Overall the garden is quite dormant (from the surface perspective)… and even though there are more black and brown colors throughout the landscape of the garden ….occasionally a beautiful color will emerge from the darkening surroundings. For example: The cabbage plant.

I just happened to glance down and saw what looked like a dark stick, which turned out to a  stem, rising up out of the ground. Attached to the stem were the most beautiful purple, lavender, greenish blooms….cabbage blooms… their curious little “heads” emerging in the dead of winter to see what life looks like above ground.

I stopped, ran back in the house, grabbed my iphone and hurried back out….As I “closed in” on one bloom…enlarging it a little more each time…the beauty of this plant grew in proportion. I was starting to see this exquisite plant for what it was…a beautiful creation from God’s garden…revealing its true identity.

It made me so happy! What a wonderful surprise… such joy from a sleeping garden!

Kate Wolfe-Jenson, defines these moments best, when she says:

As you respond to what you find beautiful, what nurtures your soul, what makes your heart sing, you express and celebrate your greatness…your uniqueness which defines you…as you.

Suddenly the whole ‘tiresome’ idea of endlessly searching for who I am evaporated into a beautiful state called ATARAXIA. (Don’t you love this new word?) At least for me, it is a new word.

It means: a state of freedom from emotional disturbances and anxiety;  a state of tranquility.

It was at this moment the “ping” went off in my head. The connection!

When a blogger shares his/her private thoughts and ideas “out there in cyberspace” for anyone to read…it is definitely a leap of faith. In fact…in the middle of typing some days…my mind is simultaneously questioning or second-guessing whether I should be revealing this or that about myself or my “take” on a situation.

Am I coming across as a major dork, ingrate, simpleton, too preachy/goodie/goodie or (a blogger’s greatest fear) a really downright boring individual? Am I pushing the perimeters too much or not enough?

In other words…how would I be “seen” as an person by those reading the blog collectively and/or individually?

Remember those games growing up at camps or even sleep-overs where we had to write down what we liked about everyone at the gathering and later  swap off the individual responses?

Even then, as a young adolescent, I recall being surprised at how others saw me…it never matched how I saw myself. Traits, that I wasn’t even aware of possessing, would pop up again and again from different participants playing the game.

Which brings us to the big question…the  enigma of life…are we who we think we are based on our own personal observations or do we come closer to being the “real us” as identified by others? Perhaps, somewhere in the middle?

Now back to the ping! On November 25, when I started over with Chapel of Hope Stories, still shell-shocked from a loss of innocence over a cyberspace “intrusion,”  I remember Honey tried to explain to me…that the loss of a sense of of freedom in using visuals off the internet meant nothing to the readers of the blog. It was the personal “stuff” they were most interested in. My identity was seen through my thoughts…not internet pictures…

My heart has ached all night . I just am so sad that someone has tried to steal your joy and the joy you give away each day. I don’t understand but there must be a reason. Keep your spirit!

We all have pictures we can share and I know they add to your creative flair. But Becky, it is really all about the message you give us of hope and love. The wonderful pictures of you and your garden and wonderful family are what I always look forward to and enjoy.

Later Jackson called and said the same thing…her favorite blogs were my observations walking around the neighborhood or exploring a new location in the lowcountry. She loved to accompany me vicariously on these little escapades. None of these required anything but me, my thoughts, and my imagination…plus any photos or pictures, as such, that could be taken myself.

I now believe that “being me” is not a sustainable goal if I think of “me” as a final condition, state, or ending (a feeling more like turning in a last term paper…for better or worse it is over.)

Instead I see “me” as fluid… a process rather then a product…it is my responses to all life’s gifts, surprises, and obstacles that continuously re-define me as a growing and changing child of God. That defines all of us.

So until tomorrow…Let us be kind to ourselves and concentrate on the precious moments in life we have been given… and our responses to them… rather than striving to become something or someone so elusive… we can not even define it to ourselves.

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

 Several of you have emailed me to ask about Betsy…Betsy got through Sunday without a return visit to the ER! Hallelujah!

Saturday the medical staff changed her medicine… after studying the initial results from her monitor showings. It appears this was a good decision. Now we just have to wait for her cardiac doctor’s visit, including more tests, to see what the final diagnosis will be.

I truly believe it has been the additional blog readers’ prayers that staved off another visit to the ER…so please keep remembering our sweet (“It’s all good”) Betsy in your prayers!

  * A “shout-out” to Mandy…she returns to Buist Academy today after her maternity leave. A tough day of transition that many of us can certainly relate to….I send a prayer, dear Mandy, that all goes well and that soon the routine of returning to work will ease the initial sadness of leaving behind the special time you and Jakie have had these past twelve weeks.

Both of you have bonded together…. for a wonderful life with your wonderful family!

Since ECDC doesn’t start back this week at the College of Charleston…Eva Cate is going to be at the same school as Jake this week…in fact in the next building.

She told me last Friday she was going to check on Jake and make sure he was not sad…she would listen out for him (to make sure he wasn’t crying) if her class walked past his classroom. Have no fear Mandy you have got Little “momma” looking out for Jakie!