Do you think it is just human nature that provides some sort of delusional protective veil around our presence… that reassures us that the bad things we see on television or the internet or hear on the radio won’t ever happen to us…but always to ‘someone else?’ This universal sense of security is quite comfortable…until one day when it isn’t.
Usually a victim of a crime, illness, natural disaster (the list could go on and on) starts out in an interview with the familiar comment… “I never thought it would happen to me.” It is probably the most candor/ truthful comment the victim says…he or she didn’t see it coming.
We didn’t but God did and thus when we start asking the eternal question “Why?” we often feel that the response doesn’t come soon enough or clear enough to satisfy our human puzzlement at the ways of the universe.
I always fall back on the great debate between “free will” and “God’s will” which can lead us down the path of discombobulation. Very early on in my breast cancer chemo journey surrounded by people of every age, race, and religion, I very quickly understood it wasn’t a “Why me Lord”….but “Why not me Lord.” I was no better than any of my cancer colleagues who were all fighting their own battles with the disease. In fact…I felt lucky that I was retired, had no children dependent on me financially… I was one of the lucky ones.
I had lived a wonderful life and if this was it…then I had been given so much already. I wasn’t willing to give up or in…there were still many adventures I wanted to experience…but I knew everyone would be okay if it was my time.
Obviously God had other plans for me and here I am a decade later still around with happily my share of life’s problems. If I didn’t have a problem…then I would know I was dead.
God didn’t promise us a smooth ride in life…He only promised He would be there with us through the smooth and the bumpy…and to this day He has kept His promise.
Lately the challenges have increased but so far my sore foot might hurt but it is slowly accepting the skin grafts…hallelujah…and the “Vue” has been deemed “totaled” but provided me many years of faithful service. As so many of you have reassured me…it is just a possession….nothing more or less…it can be replaced.
But still we are human and just when I thought everything was finally settling down…one little tiny incident brought about my melt-down. Walsh and Eloise brought me home from Mt. Pleasant and we stopped by the car repair shop to get my license off the car and something I wanted to make sure I got for sentimental reasons….my breast cancer angel (pewter clamp)that Terry (herself a breast cancer survivor) gave me a week after my diagnosis.
*You might remember I thought this angel had helped the car find its way back home after it was found abandoned following the first robbery.
After I left the car following the second robbery for the repair assessment last week, I remembered the angel and wanted it back. So Walsh took me there yesterday…I got a few papers from the sun visor and then it dawned on me the pewter clamp sun visor angel was gone…I looked everywhere.
The car repairman who took me to my car yesterday and handed me my license said he didn’t remember seeing an angel clamped to the sun visor. It apparently was taken in the second car theft.
When I walked back to the car….Walsh asked if I got everything I needed from the car and I went to tell him I did…and suddenly my lips were quivering and I could barely explain that the one thing I wanted more than any other was gone. One angel of precious memories toppled me over emotionally.
(I got the “Vue” several months before I was diagnosed so my guardian angel had ridden in my car for over a decade looking over me. Later that day when I talked with Brooke (Terry was her good friend from Walterboro) I tried to tell her about the angel and lost it again. The phone got quiet and then Brooke said, “What if this young teenager who took your car (twice)…took that angel for a reason…maybe, just maybe, he needed the angel now more than you did.”
Later in the day, while talking with Doodle…I told her the story and she said the exact same thought came to her as I told her about my conversation with Brooke…it was time for the angel to help another.
Therein lies our problem, our human frailty with dealing with crisis…we are limited in our vision as to how all the pieces of the puzzle are going to fit perfectly in the right sequence but God can see the whole playing board.
So until tomorrow…Trust in God. Whereas we can only see a piece…God understands the whole game and which piece of the puzzle needs more attention at any moment than another.
I was so happy Eloise accompanied me and Walsh home…got some time to see my youngest grandchild.
Eva Cate and Jake rode their bikes proudly by me Monday evening….entertainment to keep my mind off my aching foot after my successful second skin graft. It worked.
* I was just about to finish up the blog when the doorbell rang…it was the postman with a package….for me…from Honey. Today’s title card was attached to two gifts….homemade Pumpkin fairy dwelling and a cute Boo plaque. Thank you Honey for always brightening my day as only Honey can do. That card is perfect! Love Dr. Seuss!
Last evening Gin-g stopped by with two donuts….which is now down to one donut. So Good! And it was so fun catching up with Gin-g on the challenges of “mature youth.” That’s us!