Since being diagnosed with breast cancer I have lived my life in the land of the “not knowing“… found joy in the “In-Between“… and discovered true meaning in the term “In the Meantime.”
As soon as I came across this quote I immediately read and re-read it. In a nutshell it sums up my life since “little c” entered it in 2008.
When you find yourself living in a web of ambiguity where certainties are thrown out the window and question marks appear and re-appear after each series of treatments…living in the moment becomes much easier than imagined.
Even though none of us are promised tomorrow…when good health prevails it is easier to forget short-term goals and instead concentrate on long-range plans and future opportunities…to the point that we become oblivious to unexpected barriers going up to prevent this from happening.
I live in a world of “watch and wait”….to see if new treatments are working or at least slowing down cancer cells. (None of which I have control over…which has helped me turn over the driver’s seat to God and muzzle my back seat driver’s instincts.)
When I found this excerpt from a daily devotional…it really ‘hit home.’
“Give it Back to God’
Have you ever decided to give something over to God, only to take it back a short time later? You make take it back in such little bits and pieces that you don’t even realize what you are doing. But before you know it, God is in the backseat again and you’re the driver.
Why does this happen? Perhaps you feel it is your responsibility to keep everything in your life on track. Or maybe you are overly attached to something or someone, and that clouds your vision.
It is human nature to want to be in control of our lives and to invest too much in certain people, objects, or situations. But God is ultimately in charge of everything in our lives anyway, so it makes sense to just let Him “drive.” Why hang on to things that take away from our peace and relationship with Him?
So these days “In the meantime” (between monthly oncology visits) I look for the real meaning in each of my gifted days of life. My sanctuary, my garden, must be credited for keeping me living in the moment with all my attention on each new plant and bloom appearing daily.
Then my family and friends provide me the continued support to ‘keep on keeping on’ on a daily basis…while you readers provide much appreciated comments and stories of your own to brighten my days. I am a woman blessed beyond measure.
My next monthly oncology visit is tomorrow and even though sometimes I might have to wait a little longer on days that get “back-logged” I have learned the value of waiting.
I don’t mind waiting for my doctors (“Instruments of God’s Hands“) because my presence here today is, in large part, due to their decision-making skills of the past… implemented through God.
Little Jakie, at two, has learned all about waiting. Jakie was born with severe allergies to eggs, milk, and peanuts…to the point that his diet for his first two years has been a trying time for his parents…reading every label and checking every ingredient.
But the patience has paid off….the last allergy tests have shown that his body can now tolerate eggs baked in other ingredients and whole milk…whole. The peanuts will probably be an issue his whole life…but who knows what the future will bring? We will let “Tomorrow take care of itself.”
Doodle had made a chocolate cake for Rutledge while he was attending her annual Father’s Day luncheon…As happy as Rutledge, the birthday boy, was (Doodle makes a memorable yummy chocolate cake!)…little Jakie couldn’t believe that he was finally going to get to eat a piece of cake like his cousins…in fact two pieces!
Waiting for doctor appointments and a piece (s) of chocolate cake is definitely worth waiting for…lesson learned at a young age!
So until tomorrow…Dear God, Teach me to discern when I have taken back control of my life or am giving too much of my time or my emotions to a situation or a person. Show me how to turn these things over to you and then trust you to see them through.