Don’t you love this Alice in Wonderland quote? And don’t you remember how as children we could go from playing a witch to a princess to a pirate to a dancer….all in one short morning? We had no fear of ever being stuck in one simple category… especially one that we let define who we were. Children are so much more in touch and in tune with themselves than most adults around them.
At some point in our lives growing up…the Boogey-Man of our childhood becomes transformed into the “reality destroyer” of our dreams and hopes for our lives. We are told through assessments, evaluations, and verbal conversations that we should eliminate this or that vocational choice from our dreams….the scores or other determining criteria just don’t match up to the requirements.
That is the day we see the “light” start to go out of students’ eyes….For the first time they see themselves as less than others and not “good enough” to pursue their earlier childhood dreams.
My crushing moment was when I hit chemistry and advanced math in which I was absolutely, equally terrible…and I, slowly, realized that my dream of being a nurse like the Sue Barton and the Cherry Ames Nursing Series was not to be for me.
I ended up in teaching and history by default…so that is why I know there is a God…without Him, literally, pushing me on to the right path I would have been completely lost. Initially I was not a willing participant. It took me a few years to get my ‘feet wet’ before it dawned on me…like Brer Rabbit and the Briar Patch...that I had ended up just where I belonged.
I used Gin-g’s advice yesterday on my visit to Dr. Silgals’ office for his opinion on where we are now with “little c” and what he thinks we should do at this point. Gin-g had called on my way last Monday to Dr. Litton, my surgeon’s appointment to find out the surgical margins results. She told me to keep repeating “Be still and know that I am God” because God will be speaking through His instrument…in this case His medical instrument-Dr. Litton. (He did!)
Earlier yesterday (before I left for my oncology appointment) I felt like Alice in Wonderland changing roles on the hour….first expectant and optimistic, subdued and doubtful, “But and What If” and finally “Be Still and Know that I am God.”
I was somewhat pensive going in…but once again, the conversation quickly changed as I told Dr. Silgals about the crazy roller coaster ride I had been on since seeing him last, with all the surgeries, the waiting game, and the final results discussed with Dr. Litton the week before.
We both really laughed when I told Dr. Silgals that my friends and family were so appreciative of his immediate action with the spot on my chest and his decision to get it checked out. Everyone was curious as to why he suddenly thought something might not be quite right with the innocuous pink spot that had been there for quite awhile.
He thought a minute and said, “Well…I just got tired of looking at it.”
“Ah, I replied, the immortal words of wisdom from my oncologist that will, no doubt, go down in the annals of medical history” and we both broke out laughing.
It feels good to laugh and let all the built-up strain tumble out, doesn’t it? Dr. Silgals and Dr. Litton are on the same wave length in that Dr. Silgals doesn’t think we will go with radiation at this point and time but simply continue on the medicine that still seems to be keeping “little c” in check and hope and pray this containment keeps on keeping on. Isn’t that what life is about….keeping on, keeping on?
I suppose I could look at it as living on “borrowed time” but then aren’t we all, from the time we take our first breath, living on borrowed time?
So until tomorrow…On a “wing and a prayer” we are going to continue with the medicine that has kept “little c” from spreading, thus far, and has allowed me to still be able to come and go as I wish…as healthy as possible for as long as possible.
“Today is my favorite day” Winnie the Pooh
Yesterday I showed pictures of Jakie dancing….John used a program that animates the dancing and it was so cute I wanted to share it with you.
* Believe me none of these latest medical going-on’s have lessened my appetite….My friend and neighbor Jane wanted to take me to lunch for my birthday this week and I called her as I was leaving my appointment and said, “Even with this deluge I feel like celebrating…why don’t we do it today?” So we did…ending with Oscars yummy birthday dessert!
*I have so many wonderful things coming up on my life agenda that I have little patience for any more medical “Wrinkles in Time.” I hope the wrinkles can all be smoothed out for awhile and get back to a more comfortable “norm.”
*After all there will be a wedding coming up in the forseeable future and as the groom’s mother I must remember to follow my friend, Kathy Boyd’s advice, when it comes to my dressing and acting at the wedding (she must have read this from an Erma Bombeck excerpt-sounds just like her)…“I was told the groom’s mother should wear an ugly brown dress and keep her mouth shut! Period!” (It’s just two things to remember….I know I can do this!)
Kaitlyn gave me this softest material for my birthday that can be worn as a shawl or simply wrapped around one’s shoulders for warmth…or like I did Sunday night add it to my bed covers. Thank you Kaitlyn…I look forward to wrapping up in it and reading. I love it Kaitlyn.